Tag: Brad Durham

Lessons from a 50-Year Reunion: Reflecting on Brad Kingman

Leave a comment

By BRAD DURHAM

PROLOGUE

    Over the last 26 years, I’ve had the privilege of collaborating with numerous coaches, assisting them in raising funds for their high school teams. At a coaching conference, I discovered a remarkable book titled COACHED FOR LIFE. This inspiring narrative recounts how two dedicated teachers guided and molded 37 young men during a championship season, leaving a lasting impact on their lives. While the fall of 1974 at Middlesex School didn’t boast a dream football team, we had a man who imparted lessons that extended far beyond the field—Brad Kingman’s legacy continues to resonate even after his passing.

A classmate, “I’ve not seen those guys in 50 years; why do I want to see them now!”

         Everyone has his own reason to attend or ignore his 50th High School Reunion. My motivation was to see some friends I had not seen in many decades, and I had something pulling at me to be there. I was not sure what it was, but once I drove onto campus, it hit me…it was Brad Kingman. His spirit lives!

(Brad Kingman passed away on August 17, 2012: https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/wickedlocal-concordjournal/name/bradford-kingman-obituary?id=9486613)

u003cstrongu003eVideo of the circle in the middle of Middlesex’s campus.u003c/strongu003e

         Looking out over the Circle at the 50th Reunion, a basic question popped into my head, what is the purpose, the mission of Middlesex? I looked it up…

Middlesex School helps students find their promise through rigorous intellectual, physical, creative, and ethical education. We value integrity, kindness, inclusivity, excellence, and engagement in service of our community and the wider world.

MY PROMISE

         The promise I made to myself about the 50th Reunion was to resolve my deep regret about breaking my word to Brad Kingman. The rigorous Middlesex education was clearly beneficial. The major ethical lesson that I should have learned at Middlesex eluded me for decades. I was out of alignment before I went to Middlesex, and as much as Brad Kingman and the school tried to guide me in the right direction, I resisted.

FOUR CARDINAL VIRTUES

         Plato presents four cardinal virtues in The Republic. They are wisdom, courage, self-discipline and justice. When I entered Middlesex as a student, I was lacking in all four of these virtues. I was self-consumed, not making the best and brightest personal choices. Early childhood trauma had hijacked me.

SENIOR YEAR – MY TRANSGRESSION

         When I came back to Middlesex early for football my senior year, I started off on the wrong foot. The year before, I had asked Brad Kingman, who was my advisor and Dean of Middlesex School, if I could drive my MG up from Tennessee after the break. Jamie Jones had asked me to visit him on the Cape after school ended, and I mentioned that I wanted to have my car. Mr. Kingman said, “Okay” — on one condition – that I not bring the MG back my senior year.

BD and Jamie Jones, April 26, 2025

         I drove the MG back to Concord for my final year, and my second stop was Mr. Kingman’s house. Why? I was stupid and out of alignment. He told me that he wanted my plates and keys to the car. I refused. During the next few months, we had a few intense meetings inside and outside of his office.

MG MIDGET MODEL OWNED BY BRAD DURHAM

THE CRASH

         The night after the final football game, I crashed my MG down the street from Jamie Jones’ house on the Cape. Word traveled back to Middlesex. Crashing my car was an existential metaphor. I was crashing in every sense of the word.

         Mr. Kingman probably discussed the issue of my MG with the Headmaster and staff during the Fall of 1974. One fall day, John DeQ. Briggs, Jr., the Assistant Headmaster, approached me in Alumni Hall. He said, “There was a time when I thought you represented Middlesex well. Now, I do not know what the hell to think!” And he walked away.

THE DEMAND TO LEAVE CAMPUS FOR A SEMESTER

         A few days later in November, Brad Kingman called me into his office. He asked me what I was going to do next semester. I told him that I had fulfilled my credits, and I was going to do an independent study and play sports. He said that I wasn’t. I said that I was. Mr. Kingman then said, “I’ve been here a long time. You are not going to make it. You will get expelled and not get into the college you want to attend.”

         I was shocked; the game was over. It was obvious that Mr. Kingman was tired of dealing with me, and I was close to being expelled. Maybe he was going to expel me but reconsidered. I don’t know…but I knew I had to change my plans 

MANY YEARS LATER…THE BENEFITS OF THERAPY

         Doing cognitive reconstruction work in therapy created clarity and helped decrease some of my misplaced shame. For example, I developed a better understanding of how I was not responsible for my parent’s divorce and my mother’s death. No matter what I learned as I grew older, the mixed-up perspective of a child was tough to correct emotionally. 

         My parents divorced when I was in the seventh grade, and two years later, I found my mother dead in her bed. Many years later, I realized that I did not have the foundation as a kid to deal with the childhood trauma. I came to Middlesex ready to explode without proper guardrails. Those were guardrails that no longer existed for multiple reasons.

         Intellectually, I could understand that I was not totally responsible for the breakup and tragedy in my family. But I blamed myself for causing problems. I was a rebel. I was angry. I defied authority constantly. I simply did not know why I thought and felt the way I did. Often, I questioned my own behavior.

UNDERSTANDING MY 18-YEAR-OLD BEHAVIOR

         Therapy helped me better understand my history of self-destructive behavior. 50 years after being told that I had to leave campus for my last semester, I can better understand what transpired. I was spiraling out of control. Brad Kingman was trying to help me align with the proper virtues. I was resistant, defiant.

         If I had simply given Brad Kingman the plates and keys to my car, and apologized for breaking my word, who knows what would have happened. Unfortunately, I did not have the wisdom and courage to do the right thing in 1974/1975. Mr. Kingman gave me many opportunities to correct my decision-making, and I refused. I was clueless.

         I am extremely grateful that Brad Kingman stood his ground and did his job. He protected Middlesex, and he protected me from myself. I cannot explain my stupid behavior. Moreover, I am not making any excuses. Yet, I can understand why I was so out of alignment. 

PEOPLE – RELATIONSHIPS MAKE THE DIFFERENCE

         Seeing all my classmates was genuinely heartwarming and inspirational. Everybody added something to the experience of being at Middlesex. The Class of 1975 had some great characters, and every one of them made a contribution. Jamie Jones, Blair Villa and Spence Sloan together with George Noble did a great job of making everything happen for the 50th.

Ki Haden, Jamie Jones, BD, Tom Costello
Jamie Jones, Jack Finigan, BD
BD, Bill Trousdale
BD, #34 Fall of 1974
BD pointing to his senior plaque of QUADROPHENIA
MIDDLESEX SCHOOL CLASS OF 1975 – 50TH REUNION

BRAD KINGMAN, A LASTING INFLUENCE

         Of course, I regret not being able to see Brad Kingman to apologize and thank him. In many respects, I was 50 years too late.

    From my perspective, there were several moments when Mr. Kingman tried to persuade me to change my behavior. He used logic. He used intimidation. He ambushed me. In therapeutical terms, he tried to help me have “corrective emotional experiences.” He saw that I was making bad choices, and he genuinely tried to redirect me.

         Brad Kingman was a good man. I hope he knew that I respected him for being firm and consistent. He made a major difference in my life. I choose to interpret his demand that I leave campus as an act of compassion — helping me avoid a tragedy. The rest is history!

Brad Kingman, Dean of Faculty 1974 Middlesex School Yearbook Photos

EPILOGUE

  The day I left to go to my 50th Reunion at Middlesex, I saw my therapist of the past 20 years for the last time in Nashville. She is retiring. She was an unconventional therapist who would often insist that I focus on two things during my early years of therapy: cognitive reconstruction and corrective emotional experience. She was the first person to convince me that I had experienced childhood trauma. I learned that untreated trauma can lead to being out of alignment with your values.

    My therapist actually started as my daughter’s therapist, and as I was going through a divorce 15 years ago, she became my therapist. Previous to going into therapy with this woman, nothing I had tried was able to unlock the psychological issues. Making a Christian commitment my sophomore year in college probably helped prevent me from partying out of school…flunking out. Therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy to be specific, with a great therapist helped me to understand my most severe issues.

    The two major concepts that helped me are amplified below. I was very fortunate to have people such as Brad Kingman and my therapist, Amy Powell in my life. They taught me lessons that are valuable for a lifetime.

THE REST IS HISTORY

1 Comment

By BRAD DURHAM

         The day I left to go to my 50th Reunion at Middlesex, I saw my therapist of the past 20 years for the last time in Nashville. She is retiring. She was an unconventional therapist who would often insist that I focus on two things during my early years of therapy: cognitive reconstruction and corrective emotional experience. She was the first person to convince me that I had experienced childhood trauma. I learned that untreated trauma can lead to being out of alignment with your values.

WHY I WAS COMPELLED TO COME BACK…

A classmate, “I’ve not seen those guys in 50 years; why do I want to see them now!”

         Everyone has his own reason to attend or ignore his 50th High School Reunion. My motivation was to see some friends I had not seen in many decades, and I had something pulling at me to be there. I was not sure what it was, but once I drove onto campus, it hit me…it was Brad Kingman. His spirit lives!

(Brad Kingman passed away on August 17, 2012: https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/wickedlocal-concordjournal/name/bradford-kingman-obituary?id=9486613)

Video of the circle in the middle of Middlesex’s campus.

         Looking out over the Circle at the 50th Reunion, a basic question popped into my head, what is the purpose, the mission of Middlesex? I looked it up…

Middlesex School helps students find their promise through rigorous intellectual, physical, creative, and ethical education. We value integrity, kindness, inclusivity, excellence, and engagement in service of our community and the wider world.

MY PROMISE

         The promise I made to myself about the 50th Reunion was to resolve my deep regret about breaking my word to Brad Kingman. The rigorous Middlesex education was clearly beneficial. The major ethical lesson that I should have learned at Middlesex eluded me for decades. I was out of alignment before I went to Middlesex, and as much as Brad Kingman and the school tried to guide me in the right direction, I resisted.

FOUR CARDINAL VIRTUES

         Plato presents four cardinal virtues in The Republic. They are wisdom, courage, self-discipline and justice. When I entered Middlesex as a student, I was lacking in all four of these virtues. I was self-consumed, not making the best and brightest personal choices. Early childhood trauma had hijacked me.

SENIOR YEAR – MY TRANSGRESSION

         When I came back to Middlesex early for football my senior year, I started off on the wrong foot. The year before, I had asked Brad Kingman, who was my advisor and Dean of Middlesex School, if I could drive my MG up from Tennessee after the break. Jamie Jones had asked me to visit him on the Cape after school ended, and I mentioned that I wanted to have my car. Mr. Kingman said, “Okay” — on one condition – that I not bring the MG back my senior year.

BD and Jamie Jones, April 26, 2025

         I drove the MG back to Concord for my final year, and my second stop was Mr. Kingman’s house. Why? I was stupid and out of alignment. He told me that he wanted my plates and keys to the car. I refused. During the next few months, we had a few intense meetings inside and outside of his office.

MG MIDGET MODEL OWNED BY BRAD DURHAM

THE CRASH

         The night after the final football game, I crashed my MG down the street from Jamie Jones’ house on the Cape. Word traveled back to Middlesex. Crashing my car was an existential metaphor. I was crashing in every sense of the word.

         Mr. Kingman probably discussed the issue of my MG with the Headmaster and staff during the Fall of 1974. One fall day, John DeQ. Briggs, Jr., the Assistant Headmaster, approached me in Alumni Hall. He said, “There was a time when I thought you represented Middlesex well. Now, I do not know what the hell to think!” And he walked away.

THE DEMAND TO LEAVE CAMPUS FOR A SEMESTER

         A few days later in November, Brad Kingman called me into his office. He asked me what I was going to do next semester. I told him that I had fulfilled my credits, and I was going to do an independent study and play sports. He said that I wasn’t. I said that I was. Mr. Kingman then said, “I’ve been here a long time. You are not going to make it. You will get expelled and not get into the college you want to attend.”

         I was shocked; the game was over. It was obvious that Mr. Kingman was tired of dealing with me, and I was close to being expelled. Maybe he was going to expel me but reconsidered. I don’t know…but I knew I had to change my plans 

MANY YEARS LATER…THE BENEFITS OF THERAPY

         Doing the cognitive reconstruction work in my therapy created clarity and helped decrease some of my misplaced shame. For example, I developed a better understanding of how I was not responsible for my parent’s divorce and my mother’s death. No matter what I learned as I grew older, the mixed-up perspective of a child was tough to correct emotionally. 

         My parents divorced when I was in the seventh grade, and two years later, I found my mother dead in her bed. Many years later, I realized that I did not have the foundation as a kid to deal with the childhood trauma. I came to Middlesex ready to explode without proper guardrails. Those were guardrails that no longer existed for multiple reasons.

         Intellectually, I could understand that I was not totally responsible for the breakup and tragedy in my family. But I blamed myself for causing problems. I was a rebel. I was angry. I defied authority constantly. I simply did not know why I thought and felt the way I did. Often, I questioned my own behavior.

UNDERSTANDING MY 18-YEAR-OLD BEHAVIOR

         Therapy helped me better understand my history of self-destructive behavior. 50 years after being told that I had to leave campus for my last semester, I can better understand what transpired. I was spiraling out of control. Brad Kingman was trying to help me align with the proper virtues. I was resistant, defiant.

         If I had simply given Brad Kingman the plates and keys to my car, and apologized for breaking my word, who knows what would have happened. Unfortunately, I did not have the wisdom and courage to do the right thing in 1974/1975. Mr. Kingman gave me many opportunities to correct my decision-making, and I refused. I was clueless.

         I am extremely grateful that Brad Kingman stood his ground and did his job. He protected Middlesex, and he protected me from myself. I cannot explain my stupid behavior. Moreover, I am not making any excuses. Yet, I can understand why I was so out of alignment. 

PEOPLE – RELATIONSHIPS MAKE THE DIFFERENCE

         Seeing all my classmates was genuinely heartwarming and inspirational. Everybody added something to the experience of being at Middlesex. The Class of 1975 had some great characters, and every one of them made a contribution. Jamie Jones, Blair Villa and Spence Sloan together with George Noble did a great job of making everything happen for the 50th.

Ki Haden, Jamie Jones, BD, Tom Costello
Jamie Jones, Jack Finigan, BD
BD, Bill Trousdale
BD, #34 Fall of 1974
BD pointing to his senior plaque of QUADROPHENIA
MIDDLESEX SCHOOL CLASS OF 1975 – 50TH REUNION

BRAD KINGMAN, A LASTING INFLUENCE

         Of course, I regret not being able to see Brad Kingman to apologize and thank him. In many respects, I was 50 years too late.

    From my perspective, there were several moments when Mr. Kingman tried to persuade me to change my behavior. He used logic. He used intimidation. He ambushed me. In therapeutical terms, he tried to help me have “corrective emotional experiences.” He saw that I was making bad choices, and he genuinely tried to redirect me.

         Brad Kingman was a good man. I hope he knew that I respected him for being firm and consistent. He made a major difference in my life. I choose to interpret his demand that I leave campus as an act of compassion — helping me avoid a tragedy. The rest is history!

Brad Kingman, Dean of Faculty 1974 Middlesex School Yearbook Photos

A CONVERSATION WITH PROFESSOR AND AUTHOR, MARYBETH SHINN

1 Comment

Professor and author Marybeth Shinn in her office at Vanderbilt University. Feb. 29, 2024.

By Brad Durham

On Thursday afternoon, February 29, I visited with Beth Shinn in her office at Vanderbilt University. Near the end of our conversation, she said something that stood out, “Homelessness is the worst manifestation of income and racial inequality in our country.” Shinn’s statement clearly illustrates the challenges facing the homeless population.

The following are excerpts from my interview with the professor and author of IN THE MIDST OF PLENTY – HOMELESSNESS AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. I highly recommend purchasing the book and reading it. There is a wealth of research and positive solutions for ending homelessness in Shinn’s book.

Brad Durham: Please describe your background and position at Vanderbilt University.

Beth Shinn: I am a professor at Vanderbilt, and I have been studying how to prevent and end homelessness for over 30 years.

Brad Durham: Would you say that you have a passion for researching that and looking at solutions for homelessness?

Beth Shinn: That is my central focus.

Brad Durham: What made homelessness your central focus?

Beth Shinn: When homelessness started going out of skid rows and onto the streets, I was a young mother in New York. My kids would say, “Why is that person living there, why is somebody sleeping there? It is pretty hard these days to recapture the shock that we had at first seeing this in the mid-1980s. 

Brad Durham: When did you start at Vanderbilt?

Beth Shinn: 16 years ago.

Brad Durham: In your 30 years of research, what have you found to be the best approach to solving homelessness?

Beth Shinn: We have a lot of evidence, and it is different for different folks. For families, a large-scale experiment that I was involved with, The Family Option Study, randomized nearly 2,300 families to housing intervention services. What we learned was that giving families access to housing vouchers that held their housing cost to 30% of their income not only ended homelessness, but also has radiating benefits for other aspects of family life. 

Access to the vouchers reduced psychological distress and substance abuse, it reduced domestic violence, food insecurity… Some of the things that can cause homelessness were reduced simply by making housing affordable. Kids school attendance improved; their behaviors improved. We are in the field now with a 13-year follow-up to that study to see how long the affects lasted. How did being a kid in one of those families that had access to housing vouchers change the trajectories into adulthood? In another year or so, we will know the answer to that.

For folks with serious mental illness and substance-abuse problems, the approach that is evidenced-based and seems to work best is the original Housing First approach to supportive housing. People get housing with private landlords directly from the street without any prerequisites, and services under their control. The wraparound services are the ones that the people choose. Wraparound services include mental health services, substance-abuse services, but also vocational services for people who ask for job help, educational services, recreational services to help people build community. That approach has been shown in experimental studies to work much better than approaches that require people to be clean and sober before coming indoors. 

There are some advantages to scattered-site housing with private landlords as opposed to putting people with problems all in the same buildings. Being in the same building is more convenient for the service providers, but not necessarily for the environment that people are trying to manage. 

We also know something about the prevention of homelessness. The biggest issue there is identifying the people who are at-risk. The most common program is eviction-prevention. But most people who are evicted, do not become homeless. 

One study in Chicago looked at people who called up the eviction hotline and qualified for the program. They compared people who called at times when there was money and when there was not money. What they found out was that when people called up when there was  money, about half a percent became homeless in the next six months. When people called up and there was no money available, less than 2% of the people became homeless over the next six months. So the eviction help reduced homelessness, but 98% of the people who called up even when there was no help did not become homeless.

Eviction prevention helps, but that is not where most people who are experiencing homelessness are coming from. People who have a place from which they can be evicted are better off in terms of housing than folks who don’t.

Resources are the problem. We have shown that with resources, we can end homelessness. The country has cut homelessness for military veterans in half since 2010. That happened because we put in the resources. There was supportive housing for veteran families and other programs. There was preventive screening for veterans who came into veteran health services. They were asked questions about current homelessness, worries about insecurities about the future… 

I don’t believe anyone should be homeless. We can fix it if we wanted to, but fixing it involves both getting people who are currently homeless out of that state and stopping generating more. At this point we are pitching people into homelessness faster than we are getting them out. Homelessness is rising.

Mayborn Building, Vanderbilt University…location of Professor Shinn’s office.

Brad Durham: How do you change the public will so that the public cannot stomach having homeless individuals living on the street and in tents? There is a tent city area right outside downtown Nashville, not too far from us right now.

Beth Shinn: That is a good question. In this part of the country, one could appeal to moral values and religious tenets, “love thy neighbor.” If I could answer your question, I would be shouting it from the rooftops.

There is a lack of affordable housing. Nationwide, we have the highest level of “worst case of housing needs” since we started tracking these things. Worst case housing needs are people who are below 50% of the median income and are paying more than 50% of their income toward housing or living in seriously deficient housing. At this point nationally, we have 8.5 million renters who fall into that category as of 2021, which is the most recent report. That is the highest number we have ever had.

Those are people who are really strapped…people who are living below 50% of area median income and are paying more than 50% of their income for rent, which does not leave much room for paying anything else. 

Brad Durham: How would you define homelessness? 

Beth Shinn: There are two basic definitions of homelessness. There is what the Housing and Urban Development (HUD) uses, which sometimes is called literal homelessness. Someone who is sleeping outdoors or a place where people are not intended to sleep such as a bus station or in a shelter or other homeless serving programs. 

There is a broader definition that the Department of Education uses that includes additional folks: the largest group is people who are doubled up in other households because they cannot afford a place of their own. There are some additional groups such as folks staying temporarily in hotels. 

Those are the two big definitions. We try to count the people who are homeless according to the HUD definition in January. That number is going up. We try to count the number of people in schools who fit the Department of Education definition. That doesn’t count anyone who is below school age. In Nashville, that number is looking worse as well.

About a third of the people who experience homelessness are a part of families. The age that you are most likely to be in a homeless shelter in the United States is infancy. 

Brad Durham: The Finnish model in your book is encouraging and inspiring. They eliminated homelessness. 

Beth Shinn: We are wealthier than Finland. We could choose to do it. It’s a choice.

Brad Durham: Do we have the federal and state money to do it in Tennessee?

Beth Shinn: There is money through HUD, and the housing choice voucher program is something that needs to be expanded. The other thing the Feds do is the Low Income Housing Tax Credit, and that helps developers create more affordable housing. Even with that tax credit, developers cannot develop and maintain housing that poor people can afford. LIHTC helps developers provide housing to people who are at about 80% of median income. Getting that down to 30% of area median income is really tough, and that is where the need is. 

If you look at the people who are experiencing homelessness, they are around 15% of area median income. Disability benefits are too low to afford a studio apartment anywhere. 

State and local funds can help, but regulations are part of what is causing homelessness. In Nashville, we have down-zoned the number of units that are permitted. In 1950, you could have built a duplex or triplex in a place where now only single-family homes are permitted. We need to allow for greater density. We need housing on transportation corridors. Some people like to say that it is the housing and transportation cost that we should be looking at together. It doesn’t really help if you can get housing way out (from work) because it increases the transportation cost of commuting to work.

Zoning requirements for parking are another thing that makes housing more expensive to build. Nashville is removing zoning requirements for parking downtown. There is a tradeoff between having more parking spaces or more housing units. 

The Tennessee state legislature has tied our hands to incentivize developers to build affordable housing. You can’t say in Tennessee that we will give you a zoning variance to build more units if 10% of them are more affordable. The legislature has nixed that from happening.

State and local funding can help, but state and local regulations hurts. We need changes to state and local regulations to make it more possible to build affordable housing. 

Brad Durham: Are you optimistic in what you are seeing in your research, or are you pessimistic about the numbers you are seeing in respect to solving homelessness?

Beth Shinn: What leaves me optimistic is that we generally know what to do. It is really at this point a question of resources. We have shown that we know how to end homelessness with families. We have shown how to end homelessness for people with serious mental illness and substance abuse disorders. We have shown how to end homelessness for veterans. It is matter of resources and political will. 

It is not a matter of the poor are always going to be with us and we don’t know what to do, so we should just bury our heads in the sand. We have a lot of knowledge. We know something about prevention. We could know more there. We know something about what is generating homelessness. There is a GAO report that indicates that for every $100 increase in rent in a city (technically a continuum of care) there is a 9% increase in homelessness. 

We need to build things that are not all mansions. We need to build smaller homes, what used to be called starter homes. Not everyone needs three bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms and a white picket fence. We need to offer more kinds of housing to people.